Friday, July 30, 2004

Tracking the elusive desmodus lunaris showmestateis

Katie, brave and noble proprietor of the Resplendent Mango, is hot on the trail of the endangered Missouri Moonbat, and brings back the TastyBits.

INDCent Bill, watch out!


This has been bugging me all day---the pic of Kerry saluting last night was ringing a bell, but I couldn't place it.

Jeff Goldstein, who must be on the same combo of meds and paint thinner as yours truly, placed it: compare John Kerry and Benny Hill, separated at birth?

The Band of Brothers Lock and Load

Check out Swift Boat Veterans for Truth.

The Llamabutcher Friday List

Adventure Monkey: Curious George or Zephyr?

Furry sidekick:
Chewbacca or Hagrid?

Fighting catcher:
Jason Varitek or Carlton Fisk?

Worst "Emma": Gwyneth Paltrow or Alicia Silverstone?

Best sweeper off the feet: Indiana Jones (Raiders version) or Colin Firth's Darcy?

Best Comic Book movie adaptation:
Batman 1 or SpiderMan 2?

Worst Michael Bay movie:
Pearl Harbor or Bad Boys 2?

Fighting chicks: Eowyn or Xena?

Sorriest excuse of a former Clinton cabinet member: Sandy Berger or Hazel O'Leary?

Most pathetic Dem convention suckupblogging:
Skankette or Josh Marshall?

Worst Ben Affleck movie:
Daredevil or Gigli?

Best old guy mentor:
Obi Wan Kenobi or Professor Dumbledore?

Best villain:
Lord Voldemort or Darth Vader?

Thinking man's strumpet: Major Carter on Stargate: SG1 or Agent Scully?

Most likely to next need a spider hole:
Bashir Assad or Kim Jong Il?

More annoying human being:
Quentin Tarantino or Michael Moore?

Illicit donut break:
Krispy Kreme or Dunkin Donuts?

Sushi: "Dude, anything for a California roll" or "Man, you eatin' bait!"

Kurt Russell flicks: Overboard, or Big Trouble in Little China?

Who you want beside you in a bar fight:
Ving Rhames, or Vin Diesel?

Dr. Doolittle:
Rex Harrison, or Eddie Murphy?

"Friend" most deserving of having a safe dropped on head: Ross or Rachel?

Most frustrated:
Wiley Coyote, or Sylvester?

WW2: Patton or MacArthur?

Law & Order detective: Chris Noth or Chris Meloni?

Best Vince Vaughn: Skeezy villain or dirtbag hero?

Secret Tee-vee pleasure:
Gay/twin appraiser guys from Antique Roadshow star on "Jackass", or "CSI: Flint" (hey, who killed the fat documentary guy? Who cares!)

and finally, the special Jeopardy answer for which you give us the question: "Al Sharpton, a new twenty dollar bill, and a bag of weasels."

Who Says You Can't Mix Tolkien And Politics?

I defended this country as a young man and I will defend it as President. Let there be no mistake: I will never hesitate to use force when it is required. Any attack will be met with a swift and certain response.

-John Forbes Kerry

Dateline Minas Tirith:In a surprising pre-dawn action, Gandalf the Grey was forcibly ejected from the City by members of the Guard of the Citadel acting on orders from Denethor, Steward of the Realm. According to sources close to the White Tower, Gandalf was placed on his horse, Shadowfax, hog-tied and facing backwards, and was told not to stop riding until he had crossed the borders of Gondor. Any return to the Realm by the Wizard and sometime advisor to the Steward would be met with instant law-enforcement action.

In a prepared statement, Denethor had the following to say:

I have ordered the banishment of Gandalf for what I consider to be the good of the people of the City of Minas Tirith and of Gondor. For too long Gandalf has vigorously advocated a policy of challenging Sauron far afield, to the north of Mirkwood, to the east of Anduin, to the south in Harad and before the Black Gate itself. I consider this policy to be rash and dangerous.

In the first place, such action will almost certainly alienate us not only from the Corsairs of Umbar, but more importantly, from Saruman of Isengard, whose continued good will is critical to the international harmony of Middle Earth. In such event, we would be left with no allies but the Rohirrim, already distrusted as ignorant, unsophisticated and overly belligerent,and hardly representative of world opinion. This is unacceptable to an administration such as mine that believes no war can be undertaken without intense consultation and the full consent of the greatest number of allies possible.

In the second place, this kind of international adventurism would dangerously stretch our already depleted forces, requiring us to weaken our watch on the Druidan Forest and depleting our guard on the castle of Dol Amroth, the ruins of Osgiliath and other important locations. While I fully recognize the threat posed by Sauron's forces, I refuse to accept any policy to meet that threat which strips away our potential to face others, however remote.

Thus, rather than pursuing Gandalf's reckless,nay expansionist policy of challenging Sauron in his own realm of Mordor, which can never hope to be reformed anyway, I instead reaffirm my belief that the best way to fight Sauron's hoards is to strengthen the defenses of this city. We will build up the walls. We will add new towers. We will strengthen the watch at the gates and repair the Circuit of the Ramas. We will ensure that Farimir's Ithilian Company provides us the best possible intelligence of the Enemy's next move against us. Forearmed with this knowledge, we will be able to make this city invincible, however long Sauron's army lays siege to it. We will not attack Sauron. But once he attacks us, we will defend this City of Minas Tirith to the last stone.

When reached for comment, Saruman the White is reported to have said, "Nuanced. Very nuanced. And sophisticated."

Gandalf is rumored to have taken refuge with Galadriel and Celeborn in the Forest of Lothlorien.

Pshop talent busting out all over the place

The Cranky Neocon has John Edwards serving a subpoena on Osama's cave.

Texas Best Grok discovers the joy that is Pshop

John Kerry as Mary Poppins.

Trust me, the waltzing penguins seal the deal!

Not just full of hate, but with extra mongering to boot!

Only the crack young staff at the HMQ is willing to take on the greatest threat ever to face the vitality of the republic: I am of course speaking of the smiley emoticon pandemic.

Something. Must. Be. Done.

I suggest sending the USS Reagan for a full tactical strike against Redmond.


For one brief, shining moment there, I thought Sully was going to sober up. No such luck. FMA! FMA! George Torquemada Bush is gunning fer ya!

Here's the thing, Andrew: When you're dead, the question of who you choose to boink becomes rather moot.

The Speech

I haven't ready anybody else's reaction to J. Francois's Public Rollout last night yet because I wanted to get my reactions down first:

-  While I'm not absolutely, positively, sure of it, I rather get the impression that Kerry might have, well, just possibly served in Vietnam.  Just a hunch.  Quere for the Llama Military Correspondent: Does JFK v. 2.0 really think this kind of hokum is going to go over well with the folks serving now?

- Seriously tho', during that Love-Fest of an introduction, for a minute there I thought Kerry was going to pull an Al Gore and start slipping the tongue to those ex-Navy and Marine guys.  And as far as Max Cleland goes, I'm sure he would have reciprocated a lot more passionately than, say, Theya-RAY-suh. What a kook.

- Kerry's little "reporting for duty" bit immediately sparked two things in my brain. One was, "Oh, he's gonna play the McClellan Gambit." (Someone should point out to Kerry's folks that McClellan lost.) The other was, "Well it's about bloody time - you've been AWOL for thirty years."  Seriously - wasn't it strange how whenever Kerry's biography was being plugged there was almost a solid blackout of events between 1974 and 2004?  There's a good reason for that and if the Republicans have any sense they'll shine as much light on that period as possible.

- I thought it the height of gall to flat out call Dubya a liar at one point and then cry out for more post 9/11 unity at another.

- I thought it downright bizarre to paint such a gloomy picture of life in America in 2004 and then turn around and insist that he (Kerry) was an optimist.

- I love Kerry's nuanced foreign policy approach. From what I gather, just to be safe, he's going to wait until Chicago gets nuked before taking any decisive action against the bad guys. Also, if I were a Brit or an Aussie or a Pole or an Italian or one of many other different nationalities, I'd be cheesed as hell every time Kerry claims the United States is acting like a unilateralist cowboy. Exactly how is Kerry going to explain himself to Blair et al. if he does get elected? Or has he simply calculated that these countries have no choice but to follow our lead any way, so he can diss them while he's kissing French butt. But hey - what do I know about nuanced international relations?

- As for the domestic stuff, it struck me as the usual Dem pablum. Vote for us and we'll get you all jobs while destroying all those eviiiil corporations that produce them. And we'll tax the Rich! AND we'll cure AIDS!

- I was watching the crowd pretty intently. The only times they perked up was when Kerry started throwing them the more putrid kind of anti-Dubya meat. When he talked about himself, they went quite flat. At the end, Edwards got a bigger hand coming on stage than Kerry had got.

- As for person-in-the-street reaction: The Missus dozed off about half-way through. She's more terrified of the idea of Hillary in '08 than Kerry now.  I also talked to my secretary this morning. She is very middle of the road and not much interested in politics, but she said that after last night Kerry lost her. "All Dubya has to do is sit down and watch Kerry fall," was her summation.

Take it for what you will. 

UPDATE: The local moonbats are discussing and dissecting right now. "Adequate" appears to be the keyword.  Oh, and they're lamenting the power of Republican spin-doctors. I smell uncertainty.

Meanwhile, James Joyner has a big blogsphere round up. From what I've seen so far, my take was far from unique.

And yes, I noticed the balloon screw-up too.

Someone is REALLY disappointed

A viewer just came to visit after searching for:

guns nude blondestar

I mean, I appreciate the initiative, you're sitting there, eating your cheerios, thinking, "dude, what would go over really well at the moment is some second amendment porn."

That's the Llamabutchers for you: your internet home for second amendment porn and Dolly Madison nudie pics!

What I learned at the DNC, Day 4

dnc day 4.jpg

Thursday, July 29, 2004

Absolutely Required Reading

A 9/11 Liberal speaks his mind. Go and read it right now. This man gets it.

Yips! to Glenn.

Handy-Dandy Donk Checklist

Jen(nifer) passes on this Compendium of Democratic Beliefs.

More On Ricky Williams

Mark Hasty tells us Dolphin fans to get over it, that the guy is entitled to do what he wants.

No doubt. But to me, the chief monstrosity of this is the timing - right before camp and long after the Dolphins can do anything in the draft to try and compensate.

This resonates with me for a very particular reason.

As I have mentioned a few times before, I rowed crew in college. Now I never was really big enough to do so, even in the lightweight (under 160 pounds) category. (I am just under 5'11'' and in school my racing weight was about 150 pounds). I was able to stay in the program because I went to a very small Division III school that didn't have a lot of depth in its talent pool. Nonetheless, I worked very, very hard to stay in the boats. And loved it.

My senior year, I was up against another oarsman (we'll call him Ted) for the last spot in the third eight. We were about even in seat races during spring training, and were alternated in the seat during the first few races of the year. Finally, however, the coach decided to go with Ted, leaving me as the spare. 

I spent most of the rest of the season working out on the ergs and trying to keep my enthusiasm up, because I knew for the final two races, at the New Englands and the Dad Vails, the school would only be taking two eights.  The third eight was a mixed-weight boat and, with both me and Ted rowing, it would be possible to break it down into a lightweight four and a heavyweight four. I knew the coach was thinking this way too, so I stuck with it, despite the fact that I was often alone.

Finally, the week before the New Englands, the coach announced that we were, indeed, going to make up two fours - a lightweight, with Ted, me and two other guys, and a heavyweight.  I was extremely psyched because I had rowed with the other two lightweights and our very own Steve-O in a lightweight four my junior year (Best. Experience. Ever.), and knew what we were capable of doing.

Came the afternoon for the first practice of our new four and three of us plus the cox were hanging around the boathouse. But no Ted.

Then the phone rang.

It was Ted.

He'd decided he didn't want to row anymore.


Yes. It seemed that he really didn't enjoy what he was doing and felt he'd be happier pursuing other things.

Um, and he waited until the afternoon of the first practice for the championship races to decide this?


And it didn't bother him that without him we did not have enough lightweights to make up a four?


I see.

Well, we did our best, bringing one of the heavies into our boat to make it up.  Unfortunately, this disqualified us from rowing in the lightweight category. We had to row against heavy fours at the New Englands and got crushed. We didn't even bother with the Vails.   In short, my rowing career ended not with a bang, but with a whimper all because Ted decided at the last moment that he didn't really feel like it any more.


While I dislike a great many people, I only genuinely hate one or two. He's one of them.

So don't tell me that it's fine for Ricky to suddenly decide to go find himself.  It isn't. You make those choices at the right time, when nobody's counting on you. I may just be a fan in this case, but I know what I'm talking about.


(Yips! to James Joyner.)

Tolkien Geekfest!

Think you can pass yourself off as an expert on The Lord of the Rings? Try testing your Knowledge of Middle Earth.  The beginning questions are pretty silly and can even be enjoyed by those wretched naffs who only saw the movies.  The advanced questions were obviously written by someone who has read the books (including The Silmarillion) very carefully indeed. (I've often wondered about that "Mouth of Sauron" slip myself.)

Then, when you get done with that, check out the
Tolkien Crackpot Theories Page, which is chock-a-block with coffee-snarf inducing, screamingly funny and very intelligent humor.  Here is a great sample:

Ten Rejected Lord of the Rings Plot Twists:

1. Balin emerges from the depths of Moria, claiming he "fell asleep in the tub".
2. Galadriel discovers Pippin singing the praises of a bath while he takes one in her mirror.
3. Boromir uses the ring, saves Gondor, destroys Sauron and becomes a wise and benevolent ruler. Book ends 40 chapters sooner.
4. Orc-slaughter competition between Legolas and Gimli becomes so fierce, they take to killing some of the smaller, uglier men of Gondor.
5. Farmer Giles of Ham shows up at the Pelennor Fields and saves Gandalf's life.
6. Pippin hits on Eowyn in a dark corner of the Houses of Healing: "The hands of a Hobbit are the hands of a healer too, you know..."
7. In the happy days after the defeat of Sauron, Gimli keeps his promise and visits Mirkwood with Legolas -- where they are eaten by giant spiders, whom everyone had forgotten about.
8. Aragorn discovers that he is not, in fact, Elendil's heir. His older brother Mutt, after having lived with Ghan-Buri-Ghan & Co. for decades, lays claim to the throne after all the "dirty work" is done.
9. Ents and Elves dispute over title of "first-born". Elrond has Quickbeam made into an armoire; Treebeard grinds Glorfindel into mulch.
10. The Shire, mobilized by Merry and Pippin and now hungry for vengeance, annexes Bree and slaughters "the big folk".

Special bonus plot twist:

11. Gollum adapts to molten Mt. Doom environment, and later plays a critical role in Fourth Age crisis.

These and many more great things can be found at the

Tolkien Sarcasm Page. Go and indulge yourself!

Yips! again to TexasBestGrok. Jeez, John, you told me about the movie, but not about this!

Here's A Bit of Good News

Bob Edwards, recently booted as host of NPR's "Morning Edition", is leaving the network altogether to do his own gig on XM satellite radio.

As much as I loathe NPR, I used to listen to M.E. just about every day as part of my morning routine in law school. (For you young'uns, this was long before the advent of blogs and other news sources.) 

In fact, one time it more or less saved my life.

At Thanksgiving one year, I was driving from Lexington, Virginia to my parents' place on Hilton Head.  It's about a seven and a half hour drive. I had left school in the middle of the night, as was my custom, because there was less traffic and the time seemed to go faster when it was dark.

I usually had no problem staying awake during these drives. But this time, for whatever reason, my internal staying-awake mechanism was all fouled up. Passing through Charlotte, I was starting to fade, even after an emergency coffee stop.  By the time I hit Columbia, the sun was coming up but I was just barely holding on to consciousness. (I remember the oddest sensation of tunnel-vision as I was tooling along.) The truth of the matter is that I really should have pulled over.

I started fiddling with the radio looking for something to bolster me when all of a sudden the Morning Edition theme music floated out of it, along with Edwards' voice.  I suppose I was so used to listening to him while getting ready for class that my body started pumping adrenaline, because I perked right back up and made it the rest of the way home without incident.

So good luck to ya, Bob!

Today's Required Reading

The New England Republican has some questions for the Smiley-Face Campaign.

I already know the answer to all of them: Nuance, me boy, nuance.

Remember - Three Aspirin and Three Glasses of Water Before You Pass Out

Our pal Jen (scroll down a bit) has got a great drinking game to play while watching John Effin' Kerry's 55-minute infomercial tonight:

1. Chug when he says "Vietnam"
2. Drink twice when he says "purple heart"
3. Drink when he says "two Americas"
4. Chug when he says "restore respect"
5. You get the point...

Good luck!

Cookie-gate heats up

shove it.jpg

What I learned at the DNC, Day Three

dnc day 3.jpg

Mull This

Rich Galen - Ninja Spinmeister.

Speaking Of Kerry The Film Star....

Drudge is digging deeper into this business of faked combat footage. Apparently, the director of tonight's homage is admitting that shots (pardon) of bullets clipping the water near Our Hero are merely "illustrative".

Let me make abundantly clear here and now: I have nothing but respect for the actual service Kerry performed in Vietnam, although a good many of his former comrades in arms have very different opinions. Having said that, I believe this claim - if substantiated - illustrates a shallow, tawdry and counterfeit streak in JFK v. 2.0 that is nothing short of contemptible, especially as the film is going to be used to shore up the sole plank on which Kerry claims to be qualified to serve as Commander in Chief.  

We'll see where this goes.

More Crushing of Dissent in America

NASA ordered to yank Kerry "Bunny" photos from its website.

Actually, this is more Machiavellian than it appears - what better way to generate a fresh round of publication of pics of J. Francois looking like a teletubbie on steroids than by demanding their suppression - all while looking as if you're trying to preserve him from further embarrassment.

Karl Rove must've had a good chuckle over his cigar and martini after thinking that one up.

So Much For Helping The Little Guy

The Boston Herald is reporting that the DNC Convention has been brutal for local business. P'raps Bubba Clinton could go round to all those Mom & Pop businesses and dole out some of that cash he feels so guilty about keeping.

"Your elbow patches rumble with a fear reminiscent of mayonnaise sidecars cradled in scotchguard."
Behold the Surrealist Compliment Generator

Yips! to the Flying Space Monkey Chronicles.

Double Heh

Beautiful Atrocities has a great Idiot's Guide To Bumperstickers. Jeff also coins a jewel of a phrase: "The Dopplar Shift Left." Magic.

Yips! to Viking Pundit.


Humphrey Bogart as Frodo Baggins? John at TexasBestGrok has the goods.

Unfortunately, I can't get the bloody thing open because I don't have QuickTime, but yes, this seems like something even I could enjoy. Go over and have a look and tell me what you think. I will sit here, Gollum-like, watching as you munch on your lembas.

Set Coffee On Snarf

Big Stupid Tommy is channeling his Inner Gary Busey.  Pardon me while I go get a paper towel to clean up my screen.

The Caspian Guard

I really, really like that name.  There is almost a heraldic quality to it. I also really, really like the strategic idea behind it. Go and read all about it, together with the PSI, here.  It is reassuring to see what can be done when adults are in charge of things, rather than people whose definition of multilateralism consists of nothing but craven kowtowing to the French.

UPDATE: Pejman has an outstanding post up discussing the nuances of multinationalism in the context of nation-state interests and the importance of understanding these interests in forming effective foreign policy.

I Dunnit Again*

It's official: If you go to edit a .jpg file on Blogger, the system automatically throws a monkey-wrench into the code. (Unfortunately, I don't know enough about coding to figure out which is the rogue bit.)

Thus, when I went to shrink the width of Steve-O's latest photoshop masterpiece so as to stop it from blocking out the right-hand column, I managed to blot the picture out altogether.

Stupid Blogger.

*Today's Llama Movie Triva Quiz: Identify the quote. I can't think of any clue that wouldn't give it away, so you're on your own, pardners. Well, okay, just one - It ain't Moonstruck.

UPDATE: Okay, it's back. Whether Steve-O is doing these fixes or whether Blogger just sorts it out by itself, I have no idea.

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

I think INDC Bill has to keep it in perspective

Our old pal INDCent Bill has his shorts in a twist over the coverage last night showing Farenheit 12/7 auteur Mike "Twinkletoes" Moore sitting in the Carter's box.

Actually, on further review, it appears that the Carters were guests of Moore:

smaller jabba.jpg

The evening took a tragic turn, however, when the cute young senate candidate from Illinois crashed his pod racer into a giant canyon wall....

Is Little John At The Wrong Convention?

According to the AP, John Edwards is supposed to have this to say in his big speech tonight:

"Decisive. Strong. Aren't those the traits you want in a commander in chief?"

Um, yeaaaah. That's why I'm backing Dubya. 


Teya-RAY-Suh Heinz Kerry, busted over a third-rate cookie recipe, blames rogue staffers.

Steve-O, why am I envisioning a photoshop that has something to do with tollhouse chocolate chips and the words "Shove it!"?

Spot The Phony

Moxie has today's trick question.

By the way, someone comes over here pretty regularly from her site. I don't know if it's The Mox herself, but if so, we've always got a pitcher of sangria standing by in the fridge.

Heh, Indeed, O Ineffable One!

I really really like Steve-O's photoshop of John-John and Mikey below, but I'll tell ya - it's foolish to go up against a major deity.

Completely Random Mid-Afternoon Thought....

The AARP is running a tee-vee commercial featuring some guy getting pulled over by this hot looking motorcycle cop chick.  I think this might be a slight marketing error, because damme if I can tell you what the commercial is actually about.

Then again, I haven't yet crept into the bracket they're presumably targeting. God help me if I ever reach the point where I'm more interested in the bennies of joining the Old Folks' Union than I am in a babe in a helmet, sunglasses and leather.

Just saying.

I Smell Trouble

Drudge is all over a new book written by one of Jean Francois Kerry's Vietnam contemporaries that claims Kerry staged recreations of combat incidents for filming on his 8 mm camera, specifically with the purpose of using them for political ends later on.  I dunno if this is true, but it becomes rather choice, as clips from this film are going to be used tomorrow night as part of the introduction to Kerry's acceptance speech.

Lemme see.  In the past couple days, Kerry's been accused of faking combat movies, claimed that NASA is part of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy, staged a ridiculously bad (and possibly pro-French) rally in Norfolk and blamed his girlie-man pitching style on a National Guardsman.

Not too shabby. And this is all in the four or five days leading up to his big Prime Time unveiling.

See, I continue to believe that once John Effin' really hits the market, as it were, the true weakness of his candidacy will be unmasked at last. These incidents, coupled with others such as the great Secret Service Snowboard Debacle of last fall, demonstrate, variously, that Kerry is overly ambitious, completely unprincipled, politically tone-deaf, arrogant, aloof and not a serious choice for Leader One in the great global War on Terrorism.  Remember how AlGore got tagged as a liar very early on and was never quite able to shake the image? I think these sorts of things are going to haunt John John, defining him and putting him on the defensive.  And it ain't going to be pretty.

As I said yesterday, I think the tightness of the polls represents a referendum on Dubya's performance. About half the people approve of it, about half the people do not. For this latter group, the idea of a Kerry Presidency looks pretty good. But I think once they are brought face to face with the actual man they would be electing, that number is going to slide.  Nothing will ever induce the Anybody But Bush crowd to desert, but all those folks standing around the 50 yard line are a different matter.

Call me a rosy-eyed optimist, but I believe, looking back, that Kerry is going to turn out to be nothing more than a summer thing. 

Robbo The Techno-Dumbhead Strikes Again....

Because I think it's so funny, I went to move Steve-O's John n' Mike photoshop to the top of the page. Even though I didn't do anything but change the post time, my fiddling still seems to have screwed up the html and I have no idea how to fix it. The same thing happened yesterday when I went to add some comment to another of his photoshop posts.

Seems to me there's some quirk lurking within the bowels of Blogger that's responsible for this.  I swear, it wasn't my fault!

(Of course, if the picture is back by the time you read this, then nevermind.)

Well, SOMEBODY had to go and do it!

Everybody's making the joke about the goofy Kerry NASA pics being the equivalent of the Duke in the tank, yet no one's bothered to go and do the hard pshop work of mockery. What has this country come to? Fortunately, the Llamabutchers are on the case:

kerry and duke in tank II.jpg

Less Than All-Encompassing

Remember those silly little toy compasses you played with when you were a kid that had the very wobbly needle that could never make up its mind which way it was pointing? Well here's a political version of that toy that purports to break the traditional left-right dichotomy for something more two-dimensional. According to this test, I am just a lil' bit right, economically and just a lil' bit authoritarian, socially, putting me within spitting distance of Gerhard Shroeder and Paul Martin.

I call this thing a toy because there are a great many "have you stopped beating your wife" questions in it that skew the results pretty badly. (I understand the analysis goes for the global long-view of political temperaments and that the differences among American Democrats and Republicans is relatively narrow on this scale, but anything that puts me in the same political position as John Kerry is prima facie worthless.  Also, I notice the scale has no problem assigning Dubya to a slot in deep right field.) For example, I wouldn't agree with the statement that "Abortion, when the woman's life is not threatened, should always be illegal." But answering accordingly doesn't reflect my opinion that such abortion should be severely restricted.  Or "What's good for the most successful corporations is always, ultimately, good for all of us." Well, of course not. But answering that way sends me farther left than it should because I believe that  many times we all do benefit from corporate successes, often in unforeseen ways. There's no way to relate that in the answers. Guess it's that European nuance they're always talking about.

Anyway, have some fun with it.

Yips! to The Enviropundit, who recently put us on their blogroll too.  A glance around their place reveals a rather refreshing take on conservation that has much less to do with burning down civilization and returning to our hunter/gatherer roots than most such sites and instead concentrates on exploring ways in which economics, technology and environmental policies can work together to achieve a desirable result. 

Zo, You Ist Vell Adjusted. I Zink Dot Is Der Problem.

Freudian Inventory Results
Genital (76%) you appear to have a progressive and constructive outlook on life.
Latency (43%) you appear to have a good balance of knowledge seeking and practicality.
Phallic (50%) you appear to have a good balance of sexual awareness and sexual composure.
Anal (63%) you appear to be overly self controlled, organized, and subservient to authority.
Oral (46%) you appear to have a good balance of independence and interdependence.
Take Free Freudian Inventory Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Yips! to Impenetrable Prose and Poesy.

It's official.....


(of course, the problem is if you get this gag, you really, really, REALLY need to get a hobby...)

What I learned at the Democratic National Convention, Day Two

dnc day 2.jpg

UPDATE: Here are the links for the Monday and Sunday editions of the series. Tonight, I have a strong feeling I'll be desparately searching Google for just the right Jerry Mathers picture....

Gratuitous Domestic Post (I smell T-R-O-U-B-L-E)

My four year old, who happens to be Steve-O's goddaughter, is developing traits that are going to do nobody any good down the road.  For instance, her elder sister has a rather short chain, the yanking of which has proved increasingly irresistible of late.  This has been getting both of them in a bit of trouble, the one being busted for fits of rage, the other for teasing.

But what is really alarming is the way the 4 y.o. is learning to vamp her way out of things. This morning we were fooling about when all of a sudden she hauled off and kicked me hard on the shin. When I took her to task for this, her eyes got all round, solemn and slightly teary and she said, "Oh, Daddy, I'm so sorry," in a way that would melt the polar caps.  Of course I had to give her a hug and say, "Well, just don't do it again".  Next thing I knew, however, she batted her lashes at me, flashed a wicked grin and scurried off.

As much as I fret in a general way about how my girls are going to face the challenges and pitfalls of teenaged and adult life, there is a certain part of my brain that is already feeling sorry for the poor shmucks who get mixed up with them.  From what I see, these guys don't stand a chance.


A Ha Ha HAAAAA!!!!

NASA joins the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy! Welcome aboard, comrades Good work on the ambush photos! I guess Kerry's Botox injections are what kept him smiling against his will.

UPDATE: Glenn has a nifty round-up, as usual.


Movers N Shakers

John Hawkins over at Right Wing News did another one of his blogger polls recently, this time asking people to turn in lists of the world's most influential people. (You may recall that his last poll, that of favorite fictional characters, was the causus belli from which arose the Stone-Cold Jane Austen Cage Match between Kathy the Cake Eater and your humble Llama. Then again, you may not. Very few people offered any feedback on it. Humph, I say. Humph.)

Anyhoo, here is the list of folks who made the cut:

20) Moses (10)
20) John Locke (10)
20) Buddha (10)
17) Martin Luther (11)
17) Albert Einstein (11)
17) Alexander the Great (11)
15) Adam Smith (12)
15) Thomas Jefferson (12)
12) Sir Isaac Newton (13)
12) Thomas Edison (13)
12) Christopher Columbus (13)
11) Joseph Stalin (14)
10) Johann Gutenberg (15)
7) Ronald Reagan (17)
7) Abraham Lincoln (17)
7) Aristotle (17)
6) George Washington (18)
5) Mohammed (20)
4) Winston Churchill (20)
3) Karl Marx (24)
2) Adolph Hitler (26)
1) Jesus Christ (33)

Honorable Mentions go to William Shakespeare (7), Genghis Khan (7), Mahatma Ghandi (7), Galileo (7), Emperor Constantine (7), Franklin Delano Roosevelt (9), Napoleon Bonaparte (9), Mao Zedong (9).

I didn't get my responses done in time, but Steve-O did. Here is his list:

10 who've f*cked things up pretty bad:

Ghengis Khan (KAAAAHNNNNN!)
Attila the Hun
Napoleon Bonaparte
Adolf Hitler
Pope Innocent IV
the dude who burned the library of Alexandria
the Dutch sea captain who introduced slavery toAmerica, and
Commissioner Bowie Kuhn, for introducing astroturf and the designated hitter to baseball

10 who've made a real difference:
Winston Churchill
George Washington
the dude who invented air conditioning
my Mom
Neil Armstrong
Mark Spitz
and, of course, Kurt Russell

I can go with those.

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Well, THAT'S weird...

I don't know what's more bizarre: that someone searched Yahoo for "Miranda, diapers, prostitute, nazi", or that upon commencing that search, they found us.

Let's chum the waters more: troll, poll, jelly roll, mary jo kopechne, anne heche arrest me, throw like a girl John Kerry his running mate Luke Perry, Olsen Twins, bowling pins, INDC Bill al-Jazeera's bitch, Teh-RAY-zah is a witch, Ben Affleck career in toilet Nancy Pelosi "tax cuts? we'll spoil it", Illuminati in Slurpee cup quoth Marion Barry "the bitch set me up." Osama pics dead Kerry's a red smoothie in the morn, Carter malaise, cheese fries, Saddam loves goat porn.

The poor fly never stood a chance


(Pic courtesy of INDCent Bill)

Jabba The Gut vs. That Bottomless Pit Thingy From Return of the Jedi

This is a prime example of why I pay no attention whatsoever to talking heads pundit shows. Ya call this a debate? This is a school-yard shouting match between a slick, nihilistic, smart ass and a geek with a thyroid problem.  I can sort of see where O'Reilly is trying to go, although he squanders many debating points in his effort to shout down Moore.  Moore, on the other hand, being devoid of any decency, maturity or self-respect, can dance around all he wants, for example totally glossing over the obvious difference between a mistake and a lie, and tossing off his "would you sacrifice your child to secure Fallujah" b.s. in exactly the manner of an overly-clever 15 year old.

Brrr. What's scary is that this is about as deep into the debate as most people ever get, even people who consider themselves to be well-informed.  My advice? Turn off the tube and stick to reading blogs.  


Winding down an interesting Tuesday afternoon, I thought I would appropriate the latest dose of Monday Madness from LDH's Impenetrable Prose and Poesy. Today, it's all about opposites.  As always, this is only an exhibition, not a competition. Please - no wagering:

If you had your choice between this and that, what would you do?

1. Skipping and Running? Yeah, like my life-long desire is to be mistaken for Nathan Lane.
2. Coke or Pepsi? Pepsi is for communists, so I guess I'd have to go with Coke. However, the only soda I ever genuinely enjoyed was Mr. Pibb (1st Generation).
3. Rock or Hip Hop Rock? Occassionally, rock lifts itself beyond its deadbeat hippie teenager roots and comes near to being genuine art. On the other hand, rap is nothing more than noise. Very loud noise.
4. Laptop or Desktop? Fabulous babes are welcome to my laptop. Books, papers, coffee cups and other objects should remain on the desktop.
5. Cold Weather or Hot Weather? For a Halloween Party in law school one year, I dressed up as Cold Miser while the Butcher's Wife dressed up as Heat Miser. That about says it all.
6. Swimming or Bicycling? A pool is nothing more than a large bathtub and should be used for lounging about and soaking, preferably with a drink within easy reach.  If you want exercise, go for the bike.
7. Chocolate or Vanilla? Vanilla.  
8. Day or Night? I'm a night owl. We hates the Yellow Face! It sssspies on us, yes it does.
9. Looks or Brains? (I assume this means what I'm looking for in someone else.) A wise philosopher once remarked that in the dark, all cats are grey. Fortunately, I am privileged not to have to make such a choice.
10. Cable, DSL, or Dial-Up? As much of a techno-idiot as I am, even I don't enjoy having to use dial-up at home.  As to the other two, beats me. DSL doesn't come out to my house yet, so it's rather a moot point if we decide to switch over.

Damn You, Blogger!

I haven't the slightest idea why the template is suddenly all screwed up. Something like this happened to our friend Kathleen the Cake Eater last week. Do your best. The blogroll 'n stuff is now down at the bottoms somewhere.

UPDATE: Okay, think I fixed it. It seems that Blogger was being stubborn about not allowing a break in the line in the middle of a link. Stupid Blogger. (Thanks for the tip, Kathy!)

Red Light Red Tape

Want to go to Canada to be a stripper? The guv'mint will be
 happy to see you, eh.

Choice bit:

The potential dancers have to prove they can dance in the nude, immigration
 lawyer Mendel Green said yesterday.

"They can't be partially nude," he said. "If they don't have pictures in the
 nude, they are not going to wiggle their bottoms in Canada."

Immigration lawyer Richard Kurland said the women have to show nude
 pictures to ensure they're not abusing the system.

In related news, applications by 18 year old men to join the Canadian Immigration Service have skyrocketed.

(Link via Drudge. And notice that we Llamas resisted the urge to go for the obvious beaver joke here.)


The latest ABCNEWS/WaPo poll is full of horrible news for John Effin' Kerry going into the Convention.   Even after months of naked Bush-bashing in the press and all the pre-convention hype, Kerry finds himself slipping in almost every category. Not what you want to see on the eve of the Party's big bash. (Perhaps that's why he skunked that throw at the Sox game the other night. UPDATE: Priceless! According to this, relayed by Rob A, Kerry's now blaming the National Guardsman who was catching for his girlie-man lob.)

The punchline is that, according to the poll, nearly half the respondents don't even know where Kerry stands on the issues.  What that means is that these numbers reflect more of a referendum on Dubya's performance to date than anything else. Given the continual improvement in the economy, the progress in Iraq and our ongoing war against the bad guys, I think the recent upticks indicate that the scope of Dubya's successes is starting to sink in on folks. Barring some unforeseen circumstances, there's no good reason to think this trend won't continue.

Of course, this week primarily marks Kerry's opportunity to stop skulking in the shadows and to finally tell the world just who the hell he really is and why anybody should vote for him.  Well, good luck with that. I believe Kerry has done as well as he has so far precisely because he has stayed out of the spotlight. What the polls reflect now is some support for the idea of a Kerry Presidency.  But that's a very different thing from wanting to pull the lever for the man himself. It's the same as looking at one of those personal ads: "Tall, dark, handsome and rich, interested in progressive social policy and weekends in the Vineyard" looks pretty good on paper. But wait till you actually see the guy on your doormat before you actually make up your mind whether you want to marry him.  I believe once people see the Real Kerry, they're going to be turned off in a big way and start making noises about having forgotten they need to wash their hair while fumbling for the deadbolt. Kerry is politically tone-deaf. He's cold and remote. As for policy, his record is practically a parody (that is,  when he bothers to vote at all) and his flipfloppery makes Clinton's triangulation look downright Churchillian in comparison.

This is why I am not yet overly concerned about all the Donk glee in the past couple of days over the thought that Kerry might just win it.  All this glee reflects is the fact that the various nuts, fruits and flakes within the party's hard-core Anybody But Bush cadre have made a bargain not to knife-fight with each other in front of the cameras.  The Very Important Persons in the Party are hoping that this Potemkin Unity will be enough to sell their boy to the Center and get him over the finish line. As I say, I don't think this is going to do it, given Kerry's very real personal defects.

Way back when nobody read us, I coined the term "Maginot Candidate" to describe Kerry. I still think it is apt: He looks strong and solid and unbeatable, especially on paper and especially if you think like a Frenchman.  But when actually put to the test of serious combat, I think he is going to be worse than useless, showing himself to be obsolete, immobile and unable to deal with a smart, fast-moving opponent. 

Searching the waterfront, and bringing back the tasty bit rat-ka-bobs with a nice pesto sauce

Wacky new blog of the week: say hello to Lord Floppington down at Imaginary Conversations and Random Thoughts. His Excellency makes the crack young staff of the HMQ seem, well, sane, and us, well, positively suburban. Go visit, so you can tell all your cool friends, "yeah, I was reading Floppington back when he was an insignificant microbe!"

Yips! from Robbo. Let me also take a moment to give some Llama Yips to the newest members of our blogroll:

The California Yankee
Naked Villainy
The Resplendent Mango
The Barely Attentive Mother

Even a casual perusal of these sites will indicate that when we say we're searching the waterfront, we ain't foolin' around. There are benefits in being a quadruped.


What we learned at the DNC, Day One

dnc day 1.jpg

UPDATE: Welcome Indecent Bill fans!

UPDATE DEUX: Somehow the html got screwed up on that, hopefully it's okay on your browser. A big sloppy Llama smooch to Bill for pointing out (yet again) the error in our ways...

Full Frontal Llama Disclosure

I did not watch the Donks' convention last night and probably won't bother until Kerry gives his speech on Thursday. To me, that's all that really matters as far as the actual election goes and I've got plenty of better things to do with my time than watch Bubba et Al (get it?) doling out a little eye-candy to the Party Faithful.

(Which doesn't mean that I might not snark about someone else's review, of course.) 

UPDATE: Oh, just so the Tasty Bits (TM) Mail Sack doesn't get swamped with moonbat hatemail (again), let me just point out that I'll probably take the same approach with the GOP convention as well.

Monday, July 26, 2004

I'm not sure this is what Dean Esmay had in mind, but hey, we're the Llamabutchers....


So without further ado, our bone to pick with Andrew Sullivan.

I like Andrew Sullivan's blog, at least until it became "Post-Modern Bride" over the winter. Seriously, I never have to donate in his pledge drives because two years ago I twisted arms around campus and got the college to shell out ten large for him to come and talk. It was outrageously great---he was hilarious, passionate, witty, all the things you would expect if you are a regular reader. Sure, he goes on about exploding toilets, the beagle's gas, and karaoke, but hey, it's not like we can complain about absurd idiosyncratic blogging.

But sometime over the winter he went around the bend. We did a series at the time "Sullivan Agonistes" (I'm too lazy at the moment to find it in the archive found it--March 4, back when we were crawly amphibians), in which we pondered the situation and came to the conclusion that hopefully the famous Cox and Forkum cartoon of that week, showing two men in tuxedos arguing vehemently with a preacher standing atop a huge hydrogen bomb labeled "Iranian Nukes", would put things in perspective. Sully would come around, we hoped.

Alas, we were wrong. I respect his writing, but have increasingly drifted away from his blog, checking in now maybe once every other week to see if he was back on course. It looks like we are going our separate ways, intellectually, ideologically, and politically, but hey, it's America and that's okay.

So, in the spirit of the Commissar's call for the blogging olive branch, the Llamabutchers present our "disagree with a blogger you respect" moment: our analysis of how John Kerry secured Sully's endorsement:

kerry up andrew sullivan dot com.jpg

Gas Grillers, Just Look Away

Our pal the Chai-Rista is back and she's BBQ-blogging something fierce.

It's def, I'm telling ya, stupid def!

HMQ Watch

Put down your coffee cups, Ladies and Gentlemen, because the Crack Young Staff of the Hatemonger's Quarterly are back from vacation, tanned, ready and rested, and eager to return to the business of serving up daily helpings of quality crankiness.  Personally, we Llamas were getting a bit jittery and irritable trying to make do with the summer schedule, to say nothing of our jealousy over the CYS's constant references to junkets to Rome (IT). (Wish we had that kind of research budget.)


Damn Him

Damn him.

That's all.

Gratuitous Llama Gardening Post

One of the most amiable customs I know of is the practice of gardeners of giving plant specimens to other gardeners to put in their own beds.  It's especially nice when there is some kind of backstory, so that the recipient might be able to say, "Oh, that such-and-such came from my dear friend Jane" or "That so-and-so is from my father's garden in Pennsylvania".  Last year, I tried to bring a couple of small roses down from my parents' place in Maine. They were rather small and a bit sickly and, unfortunately, did not survive the winter.

Well after spending a very relaxing weekend at my godparents' place out in the country, I came home armed with some specimens of Blackberry Lily and Russian sage from their garden. Very nice. Very nice.

Blogging Nation

This is cool. I discovered last evening at a party that one of our friends is a fellow blogger. This is the first time I have actually talked to a real live person about blogging and not seen a look of boredom, alarm or bewilderment come into their eyes. (Of course, I did see various combinations of these looks coming into the eyes of the people sitting around us while we were chatting, but you can't expect everything.)

So in the spirit of fellowship, may I present to you Anne, the Barely Attentive Mother

Play Ball!

Aha-ha, ha!  I missed the opening pitch of last night's Red Sox/Yankees game, but even the radio jocks were calling Kerry a girlie-man this morning for one-hopping the damn thing, even though he was standing well in front of the mound.

On the other hand, I saw the ESPN announcers interviewing Kerry round about the 5th inning or so. Oddly enough, for all that I am following politics these days, this was the first time I've actually seen or heard Kerry speak, rather than reading the transcripts. My reaction? You've....got....to...be....kidding!  The announcers were trying to get him to say something about letting Pete Rose into the Hall of Fame and all he could come up with was, "well....that's...a....decision...............for....the....writers...."

Wake me when it's over, please!  Now I have a theory that there are an awful lot of people around the country who, like me, are plenty aware of the idea of the Kerry candidacy, but don't know that much about the real, live guy behind it.  Peggy Noonan was absolutely right last week when she said that Kerry's acceptance speech is going to be a hugely defining moment for his campaign. If he appears as wooden and lifeless there as he did last night, he's going to have some serious problems this fall.

UPDATE: David Frum notices the same thing.

Llama Movie Review

Our Llama Military Correspondent checks in with his thoughts on Cat Woman:

 Friday night, Mrs. LMC and I lined up our superstar fifteen year-old babysitter to watch the Crown Prince and went out to the movies to see "Catwoman."  As you know, I am proud to call myself the World's Shallowest Moviegoer--all I ask is for good-looking women, great special effects, a barely plausible plot, and a high body count.  I do not want to think deep thoughts of college classes involving 19th century American literature, Shakespeare, or anything else--in short, I do not want to think at all. I want to escape and at $7.50 a pop per ticket, plus junk feed, and the superstar fifteen year-old babysitter's meter clicking at $5 per hour, I am not asking too much. A movie with Halle Barre in a skintight leather cat suit alongside superskank Sharon Stone looked like it would fit the bill.

    What a letdown.  The first forty-five minutes were consumed with the development of Halle's character, Patience, who was done in by an evil cosmetics mogul peddling toxic skin products, resurrected by a "temple cat" from ancient Egypt, and the rantings of some middle-aged ex-college professor cat expert denied tenure by the, you guessed it, "male patrimony".  All of this was woven into some improbable love story involving Julia Roberts' ex.  It was all very tedious and by the time we finally got to the requisite fight scene between Sharon and Halle, my Patience was gone and  I was practically unconscious.  I will not spoil the ending for you but the DVD version of the movie would be infinite improved if the producer cut out all but the fight scene and looped it so it would run continuously for an hour and forty-five minutes.  

  Now despite all the heckling I get from some folks about trying to turn the Butcher's Shop into Fraser Crane's Bree N' Beaujolais Blog Cafe, I am proud to say that I can be as shallow a moviegoer as the next guy.  Given that, this review makes me sad.  I'm hard pressed to understand how anyone could have shanked a flick involving Halle Barre, skin-tight leather, Sharon Stone and catfighting so badly.  It seems to me the thing would write itself. I think I'll wait for the special "Dude's Cut" DVD edition recommended by our correspondent. 

Sunday, July 25, 2004

You really can't go home again

Thomas Wolfe spoke the truth, as the disemodied head of Frank J. found out this week while vacationing in his homeland of France.

frank gets flipped off.jpg

On further review, it looks like the "Blogger Hooligan" T-shirts being hawked by INDC Bill are finding their market!

hear no evil.jpg

Classic Llamabutcher

In honor of the Democratic Convention, we are pulling out all the stops to present our brand of pure partisan hackery. To kick things off, here's a classic llamabutcher description of John Kerry's foreign policy:

kerry retreat.jpg

Ut-oh, Robbo's not going to like this one...

Following up on my response earlier in the week to Robbo's description of life as a Miami Dolphins fan (in which I argued that the Fins are becoming the Boston Red Sox of the NFL, which built on an earlier post in which I argued that the Sawx are the French of Major League Baseball---ie loud, obnoxious, arrogant, tied to an antiquated facility and haplessly beaten like a rented mule by their arch-rivals for approximatley 100 years), Fins star running back Ricky Williams announces his retirement at age 27.

Perhaps he heard about the coming crisis to Social Security by the impending retirement of the baby boom and wanted to get a head start.

Williams announced that he was going to "travel in Asia" next, which means the Fins can wire his checks to that opium den in Bangkok that's hired Mike Tyson as a waitress.

Tip o' the hat to Paul at Wizbang.

Saturday, July 24, 2004


Freakin' Jen
reports on a virus making its way around the internet promising the gullible pics of our old buddy Osama in various states of dead-itude. The nice twist is the disclaimer that it hasn't made the main press yet because the Bush administration is trying to hush it up (insert paranoid explanations here).

Of course, people trying to open up the link and download the pics get infected with a Trojan Horse virus doing the usual nasties to your hard drive.

Common sense, people!

We now return to our usual fare of overwrought predictions, snide and snarky analysis, and paint-thinner fumes induced pshopping.

UPDATE: We have quite a number (okay, three) regular readers who are a wee bit dainty on the technical side but quite heavy hitters when Robbo rolls in with all his classical stuff.

So for the technically impaired but classically literate audience, here is my explanation of the above post.

Do this:

osama virus.jpg

and this is what will happen to your computer:


Any questions?

Hmmm, but it doesn't say anything about needing to be fat and wearing ridiculous berets....

I'm forwarding this internship listing to our director of career services.

(Hat tip to the Galvin Opinion).

Two Lists from Sheila

First, Movies (a list she picked up from our old friend Big Stupid Tommy):

1) What moment from what movie still makes you laugh out loud - no matter how many times you see it?

David Spade hitting Farley in the head with a two by four in Tommy Boy.

When the Death Mobile appears out of the cake in the parade scene in Animal House, bent on ramming the viewing stand. I can't tell you how many times I've thought of doing that at work to our current Dean.

2) What moment from what movie still makes you cry like a baby - no matter how many times you see it?

I hate to be derivative, but I'm going to have to agree with Tommy and Sheila on this one and go with catch scene at the end of Field of Dreams.

The landing scene of Private Ryan---I work a short distance from Bedford Virginia, and it just tears me up thinking of those guys from the 29th piling off in the first wave.

The scene in Shawshank Redemption when you realize he's broken out of prison and not committed suicide.

3) What moment from what movie made you actually turn your head from the screen - either in fear, revulsion, or contempt for the fact that you actually paid money to see the film?

All three for the hat trick: Pearl Harbor, Mister Wrong, and Exit to Eden (here's my review of those two cinematic gems).

At least until CHIPS 04: The Movie comes out! (Or, The Passion 2 for that matter).

BONUS) What is one single moment from a film that is indelibly etched in your brain? Not a scene or a sequence exactly, but three or four seconds from a movie that contain an image or phrase or concept that transcends normal movies?

One of the single best movie shots of all time: the profile of Indiana Jones, standing on the hill housing the well of souls, with the hard Egyptian sun setting right behind him, the wind is blowing, he bends down and puts on his hat.

DAMN, that's an indelible shot.

Second, High School Dance music burned in your brain.

For me, I don't remember those quite as much, mainly because I was something of a sullen punk. Jr. High, however, is etched by Meat Loaf and Donna Summer, while college, my very first party I remember Debbie Guss dancing on top of a table to Sheila E.'s "Lush Life" at about 3 a.m. That's when I realized college was going to be a lot better than I had anticipated...


Sheila sings the praise of Pump Up the Volume, one of the truly greatest bad high school movies of all time. What makes PUTV so good is how it cut against the high school genre of the time, away from the wreckage that had become of "Brat Pack" oevre and took it in a startlingly new direction: setting it in suburban Arizona! Hey--that's new! Previously, all high school movies for the past 10 years seemed to be set either in Valley High, LA, or Evanston, IL. What makes it even more delicious now is knowing what's going to happen to Christian Slater, what a washed-up heroined-out has been he would become. Cruel? Of course--but it's the level of cruelty by proxy that makes the high school genre work.

BTW, Sheila's chock full of good stuff today, surpassing even her usual high level of quality red-headed ramblings.

Now aint that special

The Silver Fox (bravely bringing us the Whiskey AND the Sexy!) has the pic showing the Frogs doing their best to imitate a bunch of Maryland fans after getting whupped yet again by Duke. (Via Sheila)

At some point today, I've got about 5 pshop ideas for this one--I'd like to find the right angle of a FDNY guy on 911, and put him there so the Frenchies can be giving him the finger. That (and maybe kicking a Jewish kid) about sums up the state of French "culture" today.

They don't call it Texas BEST Grok for nothing!

John Lanius has the scoop on perhaps the most bizarre LP of the 1960s that doesn't involve William Shatner.

Even more bizarre than Trousergate

DownRange has the latest update on the strange story of the American soldier who went missing in the DMZ 39 years ago and has recently surfaced in Japan.

Somehow, I get the feeling that I'll be seeing this storyline in JAG next spring. Perhaps they can get Alec Baldwin to play the part: he seems to have gone missing behind enemy lines for an equally long time....

UPDATE: Yips to House of Payne for pointing out Alec is perhaps too plump for the "Dear Leader" South Inchon Beach Diet: what's Stephen Baldwin doing these days? Anybody?

Well THAT'S a slogan that grabs your attention

From the Pudgy Pundit: "Make the whole map Red, or Wake Up Dead!"

A secret, private, answer to a question posed by the cranky neocon

We Llamas are WAY hotter!

(BTW, when I hear "Cranky Neocon," I always get this image of Gertrude Himmelfarb in an evil Pepperidge Farms commercial, rapping poor lil' Bill Kristol on the knuckles saying, "No, you aint gonna have no damn Milanos till you finish your translation of Herodotus, bitch!")

Now I know why the mail moves so damn slow

Here's a (as we used to say in the old neighborhood) wicked funny blog that's new to me: BarCodeKing.

His motto, you ask?

"Philosopher. Curmudgeon. Postal Worker."

Good enough for me!

Friday, July 23, 2004

That's no moon....IT'S A SPACE STATION!

Geek Empire writes about trying to explain what an "Instalanche" is to his girlfriend: I tried to do the same thing this afternoon to my wife, pointing out "See, see, there's no way Robbo's mom visited 10,000 times today!" She laughed that wry laugh she has, and said, "well, it could be worse: you could be a Civil War re-enactor."

Can you see why I married her?

(Actually, while I promised before we got married ten years ago today that I would never, ever, ever, become a Civil or Revolutionary War dress-up guy, you know, i conveniently left out mention of the War of 1812...)

Anyhoo, happy anniversary hon. And yes, I bought a lottery ticket today too. Because I'm feeling lucky......

Looks like a party to me

The Pamphleteer has purloined the agenda for the opening night of the Democratic Convention.

BTW, I love this blog---not only does it sound like an eighteenth century superhero (it's a bird, it's a donkey cart, its.....The Pamphleteer!), but he's exactly right about the origins of the freedom of the press in its protection of amateur journalism. So stop on by and give a rousing Yip! Yip! Yip!


This is one of my favorite weekends of the year. Each summer, we set aside a weekend to go down to my godparents' house in the country outside of Fredericksburg. It's so relaxing and tranquil that even though we only go for one night, it feels like we've stayed for three or four.  The kids play with the dogs and feed the cows and, if they're very good, get taken for a tractor ride down to the Rappahanock River.  But the bulk of the time is just spent sitting about and chatting amiably of this and that, often with a glass full of some peculiar or obscure liquor that my uncle has dredged up from somewhere or other.  There is absolutely no sight or sound of anyone else - no lights, no car noises, nothing.  In my geekier moments, I sometimes think of it as a trip to Lothlorien.

I'm getting sleepy just thinking about it.....


Go Tell The Spartans, Dude!

Allah debunks the notion of a gulf between the Ancient and the Modern.  I don't think it's dumb, I think it's droll.

Another John Post

Kerry, this time. Steve den Beste thinks Dubya is setting him up for a good old fashion whuppin'.  I believe there is a great deal to this.

Speaking of Johns and Texas.....

My brother John forwarded me this article about the Civil War history of Matagorda Island, including the defense of Pass Cavallo, which is located about midway along the curve of the Texas Gulf Coast.  This is very interesting to me because we fished Pass Cavallo and the back bays behind the island for years and years when I was growing up.

There is virtually nothing there now, just dunes and beach and the remains of an old Coast Guard station on the inland side that got destroyed in a hurricane in the late 60's.  Hard to believe that this stretch of water was the scene of repeated skirmishes during the war.

And just to show how things can come around full circle, check out this picture of Fort Popham, Maine. It was built at the mouth of the Kennebec River to protect the Bath Iron Works, located upstream, from Confederate Raiders.  It so happens that we now fish here every summer when we go up to visit my parents.

Having feet both in Texas and in Maine, I sometimes think I've become my own Bearded Spock.

"Operation Coffee Cup"

Our friend John over at TexasBestGrok has a nifty tribute to Ronald Reagan unlike any other I've seen. It may be a bit late, but well worth the wait. Go take a look.

Way Cool

Check out the Apollo Image Gallery. Lots and lots and lots of fantastic photos.

Yips! to Reen.

Forth, Eorlingas!

Katie of the Resplendent Mango calls herself an Eowyn voter. I love that.

Yips! to Dean.

Sheila is running with a movie meme from Big Stupid Tommy that looks rather interesting. I'm not going to do it myself, but bring it up by way of intro to a related topic.

As I do every now and again just for the lazy, lightweight entertainment value, I popped my 99 cent used copy of The Mask into the ol' VCR last night.  The high point of the movie, as far as I'm concerned, is Jim Carry and Cameron Diaz's big dance number. That scene jumps!

I've still got the music in my head today. Hey! Pachuco!

Oh, I will contribute one thought to Sheila and Tommy's meme that I also left in Tommy's comments. God help me, I think one of the most hysterically funny moments in the movies is the scene from Porky's where Miss Balbricker is trying to convince Principal Whatsisname to let her do a, er, John Thomas lineup of the boys while the two coachs try (unsuccessfully) not to lose it in the background.  There is nothing so funny as watching someone else try not to laugh, and that scene regularly leaves me in tears.


Go read Tim Worstall's latest TechCentralStation column in which he muses on one of the more violent questions of Life, the Universe and Everything.

Tim built this column out of a post I did a little while back that jogged his memory of Mr. L. Prosser and his mighty ancestry. (How do I know this? Because Tim sent me an extremely nice note thanking me for it.)

I bring this up not to toot my own horn (well, okay, maybe just a leeetle bit), but because this is a perfect example of one of the things I love most about reading and writing blogs. We are such a vast web of interconnected sources of thoughts and ideas - almost a giant electronic brain, with each site representing a single cell. Here, an offhanded remark by me sparks an idea by someone else that turns into a column.  Elsewhere, someone comes up with a meme that flashes all over the web, taking on hundreds of different permutations. Yonder, issues large and small are being debated and refined, washed, rinsed and dried and bent, folded and mutilated.  Literally millions of times a day. And thanks to the electronic platform on which it takes place,  all of it happens at the speed of light. 

In short, the collective creative power of blogging is positively awe-inspiring. In THHGTTG, the Earth itself turns out to be a giant supercomputer built to figure out the actual question of Life, the Universe and Everything that goes with the answer forty-two. At the risk of sounding positively mushy, I believe the Blogsphere has taken on that role.  I also like to think that Douglas Adams is smiling down on all of this from Somewhere.

UPDATE: Our good friend John L invites us to take a ride in the WayBack Machine. It is done. This means one of two things. Either we're operating on the same wavelength in a weirdo kind of cosmic harmony or else I've gone and done another one of those Essays in the Bleedin' Obvious.  Perhaps both. You be the judge.

D.C. Baseball?

James Joyner relays the latest buzz that the Montreal Expos are likely to move to the D.C. area.

I think this is terrific news. As for whether the team should locate in D.C. itself or out near Dulles, I believe Downtown is the better idea for the reasons outlined by James. Traffic heading out the Dulles Toll Road in the evenings - always heavy - gets snarled enough just by Wolftrap concerts - I shudder to think what a ball game would do. (On the other hand, this might just be the thing to hustle up construction of the new Metro line out to Dulles, with which folks have been dinking around for a long time now. But that's a solution that is still years away.)

Of course, there is no way a stadium can be built anywhere Downtown without some kind of parking facilities. I would think this would be obvious to the folks making proposals.

Oh, and Peter Angelos can go to hell.

YIPS from Steve: I absolutely concur with your assessment of Peter Angelos, and would only add a suggestion of things he can do with various orifices on the trip.

That said, here's my suggestions for the Top Ten Names for the Northern Virginia Baseball Team:

10. The McMansions
9. The Holders of Worthless AOL Stock Options
8. The Road Ragers
7. The Souless Surbanites
6. The Paved Meadows
5. The Soccer Moms
4. The Toll Roaders (inside joke)
3. The Dulles Dudes
2. The Down-Loudons

and the number one name for the "new" Northern Virginia major league baseball team:

1. The San Juan Expos

Thursday, July 22, 2004


I'm practically speechless! Out of the blue, we get our first Instalanche this evening, owing to one of Steve-O's photoshop specials.

The punchline? I don't get it!
Help me, Spock!

UPDATE: Thanks for all the dope slaps. I feel enlightened now. (Don't mind me folks, I'm like the waiter at Milliways - so unhip it's a wonder my bum doesn't fall off.)

In the meantime, I think it's obvious from the timing of our Instalanche and Steve-O's announcement of the upcoming arrival of v. 4.0 that the only possible name for the child is "Glenn Reynolds (Llamabutcher)".

Sympathy for the Devil

Some gags just write themselves:

sandy album cover.jpg

I wanted to do one with oversized Hagar slacks, but the effect wasn't the same.....

We Got Pictures!

Ladies and Gentlemen, it's Llama-Cam. (The "loafing shed" was Steve-O's idea.)

A Long Time Ago, In Pants Far Away......

Put down your beverage, close and lock your door and click on this.  Hi-freakin-larious.

Yips! to Pejman.

Are You Ready For Some Football?

Not many folks were reading our little screed last winter, so you may not know that I am and always have been a huge Miami Dolphins fan. I first got hooked on them back in the Griese/Csonka glory days and have never given up.

So I am interested that Don Banks is saying A. J. Feeley is going to get the nod over Jay Fiedler for starting QB this year. I have tried very hard to remain loyal to Fiedler the past couple years. He is a good to average QB. He is capable of some clutch performances. He is undoubtedly a team leader. Unfortunately, whenever he throws, you are never quite sure exactly what is going to happen.  I don't really know anything about Feeley, but given the past couple years' results, I'm ready to try something else. 

World's Smallet Violin

Saddam has filed a complaint with the European Court of Human Rights that his Geneva Convention rights are being violated. (I'll pause here so you can wipe away that tear of grief. Or laughter. Whichever.)

The punchline is that Saddam is filing the complaint against France and expecting the French to turn around and make us comply.

Here's where that Choice of Leadership thing comes in, because by the time this case gets decided the elections will be well over.  Which response would you rather have:

Kerry:  Zut alors! You are right, my nuanced friends. We must do everything we can to maintain international harmony and respect the wishes of our moral betters in Europe.  Perhaps Saddam would care for a new espresso machine to show our remorse, no?

Bush:  Go piss up a rope, Jacques.


Thanks, I Needed That.

J. McIntyre has a very good post up today over at Real Clear Politics in which he offers an analysis of the polls, the Donks' sudden sense of blood in the water and the likely dynamic of the race going into the fall. (Yips! to Marc Noonan.)

Go read it. I think the critical point, as made in the post, is that we do not have a head to head race yet and really won't until after the Conventions.  The polls so far represent a referendum on Dubya's performance to date and they are about evenly split. But in the fall, people are going to have to focus front and center on the question which one of these men do you want to lead the country for the next four years.  This is really a different question.  Also, given the unique fact that we're in the midst of World War IV at the moment, I think all the current talk about which way middle-of-the-roaders will break, based on historical performance, is rather useless.
This may very well be the year of the Security Mom.

Anyway, come the fall, Kerry will no longer be able to skulk in the shadows and take potshots at the President, relying on the Anybody But Bush crowd to carry water for him. Instead, he will have to come forward into the light himself and argue why he should be elected. As the divine Peggy Noonan (mmmm.....Peggy) notes today, that process starts next week. And for all the current Donk gleefulness that they might actually have a chance, no one really knows how Kerry is going to play in primetime. I continue to believe the answer is going to be not very well.

Kill The Wabbit!

Someone googled in here on "how butcher rabbit".

"Slowly and painfully," is my advice.

Bringing Out My Inner Geek

I really like this site because ever since I recently saw it for the first time, I've had that high, slightly hysterical voice in my head saying, "Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate!" 
Considering the way Joe Wilson has been able to sneak out through the kitchen and the way Pants-Happy Sandy McBurgler is morphing into the latest victim of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy, this suits my present mood exactly.

Speaking of vermin, Davros has a great photo that I dearly hope has been seen by Michael "Step Away From the Buffet" Moore.


Mitch at Gum for Thought has a great Liberal/English dictionary.


Eloise the Spitbull ID's the tooth-fairy.

We happened to be discussing the economics of tooth loss just the other evening. My six year old is growing increasingly impatient for the ol' chompers to start dropping and, in unguarded moments, can be observed trying to help them along. (For the record, I have a vague memory of doing the same sort of thing round about her age.)

Anyway, as I discussed all this with the Missus, I was suddenly made aware for the very first time that the current going rate is a buck a tooth.  My reaction to the news was approximately as follows:

What the hell do you mean, a dollar? When I was a kid, I didn't get anything! What's wrong with a quarter, fer cryin' out loud? Kids today - spoiled rotten.

(As you can tell, I'm settling into the stereotype very comfortably, thank you.)

Evidently from Eloise's post, I'm not just suffering the inflationary effect of living in the Northern VA 'Burbs.  Rather, this outrageous gouging appears widespread. When did the cost of maintaining Flitterpuff get so exorbitant?   

Academic Smackdown!

Athena (via Kevin at Wizbang) has some vicious and spot on advice for professors.

I agree with all of them, particularly about the price of books, and the annoying cartoons on their doors.

I have only one thing on my door and it's this:

govt dept marketing idea.jpg

From one link-ho to another

INDCent Bill to the moonbat left:


Old Bulls and Young Turks

We Llamas have been of the opinion for some time that Frank J has become, shall we say, a leeetle too big for his britches.

Well it looks like the Avoca-Pundit wants to take him down.*    You go, Jason! Think Rocky! Want Steve-O to dress up in a skirt and call himself Adrian? No probs! (Not like it hasn't happened before...)

* I assume this is what Jason wants. If he wants some kind of acknowledgement from Frank, all I can say is pack it in and go home, boy. Ain't. Gonna. Happen.

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